ellibelle

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1

I am immature but I am so mature.
The things that come out of my mouth can be so childish, when I write them I recognize the fact. And it hurts me, because I'm beyond this.

I'll walk away
I don't need you today
My problems resolved
My fears have disolved
I won't need you today
So I walk away
I feel you call me back
Back on track
But I want to live my own life
Now, I've screwed things up
Got too tangled
In the threads I've spun
Please take me back
Love me again
I'll stay with you
As long as you want
I'll try to be good
Just don't let me go
and ruin the things I have
I'll be your girl
As long as you want

-elise

New goals:
CW: 70kg
GW1: 67kg by september 26th
GW2: 65kg by october 5th

This gives me a little over 2 weeks to lose 5kg. I should be able to do it easy.
Starting 3 day fast tomorow.
Then doing 2468 afterwards.
I must lose this lard attached to every bit of my disgusting body.
The numbers will come down.
I have control.

Oh and I desperately need a new scale.. I'm pretty sure mine is completely wrong so yeah I don't know.. I'm probably even fatter than I think.
I should go and buy one but I'm scared to. I don't want the checkout person to look at me like "er, wot do you need a scale for.. to depress yourself. you tub of lard." Maybe I'll buy it from someplace where I can choose a, ar 'rotund' lady to serve me.
Yep, yep, I want one that goes to 2 decimal places but hrmm woteva.

Oh and its my 16th birthday on tuesday, to bad I have to be this ridiculous whale for it. Oh well, positives are that next year will be different. When it comes to my 17th I will be tiny. I have to be.
Anyway here's my birthday pro/con list. Yeah, I like pro/con lists alot. They make me smile =).

Con's:
the food
having to react to presents
having to spend time with family
having to spend time with people even if you don't want to
being older
more responsibility
the food
the calories in alcohol
having to go out in public
the attention
the food
the despair
the food
the sadness
the food
the fat

Pro's:
the presents
the money
the friends
the new chances (getting my L's hahah woteva but I'm excited =D)
i'm getting my hair dyed
new clothes
i'm going to buy a scale
getting drunk
memories
the boys
pay rate rise

alright so birthdays kinda suck and yer i pretty much hate them they make me feel sad and depressed and lonely and hurt and rha rah rah but woteva i'm going to be happy because of the opportunities my birthday brings along such as getting a new scale (argh excited one that is actually accurate) and its in the holidays which mean change. I want to go back to school and just shock everyone with how different I am. Thinner. Yerp. Happy.

I am self destructive.

I'm an Aussie =D but that means summer is soon, a bit less then 3 months. Summer scares me. Winter is safe.
Winter=

• jeans
• jackets
• scarfs
• more makeup
• no skin
• no swimming
• long walks
• staying inside

Summer=

• shorts
• tshirts
• bathers
• very light makeup
• heat
• going outside
• running
• skin
• lollies
• ice cream
• icipoles

Those are the reasons I like/dislike the two different seasons.
I'm not thin enough to show skin so summer is freaking me out, but hopefully I can hold out with wearing jeans throughout spring and loose a lot of weight over the next 3 months, as much as I can. Then I can think of the positives of summer.

Thin summer=

• beach
• boys
• christmas
• friends
• shopping
• cheaper clothes
• tan
• holidays
• freedom
• river
• family
• distractions
• water pops

My happiness this summer pretty much rides on what it says when I hop on that scale on December 1, first day of summer.
Anything over 59kg / 130 lbs it's going to be a shit summer for me.
Anything less I'm happy(ish).
So thats 24 pounds to loose in 3 months. Shouldn't be too hard as long as I control myself.

Stats:
Age:15
Height: 5'8"
CW: 70 kg / 154 lbs <yerp =(
LW: 121 lbs (at current height)
GW1: 65 kg / 143 lbs
GW2: 62 kg / 136.4 lbs
GW3: 59 kg / 129.8 lbs
UGW: 54 kg / 118.8 lbs I want to be this thin by the end of summer =).

The goals are pretty much just for the time being.


( Me.. )
Well yeah that's a bit about me so now you have a face to a name and everything else, yeah.
xx